Get ready for an orgasm

By Nduka Orjinmo

If the Nigeria Premier League was the creation of Lancelot Imasuen, Teco Benson or Zeb Ejiro, and players of Rangers international of Enugu the cast, then the scene following their recent plight would see both players and officials, palm-fronds in mouth, charcoal painted faces, naked from the waist up marching to the evil forest to consult the gods.

And sure, Enugu is not short of such perfect scenery for the spiritual inquest, how often have these directors played out such roles time and again in block-buster Nollywood movies. I hate Nollywood.

On a day when Keshi and the NFF denied some of the NPL clubs their best players with an irrelevant bask in the Niamey sun called a friendly match, Kano Pillars perhaps created history as they flew all the way to Akwa-Ibom state for their game against Akwa United.

Airlines do have gorgeous hostesses, and hygienic chops. Whether it was as a result of any of the two or the mere factor of flying to match venue, the players arrived fresh enough to record a 1-0 away win in Uyo.

The magnitude of their victory will sink better in Kano when it is announced on the BBC World Hausa service. Only then will the real Pillars fans believe their club truly won away from home.

But interestingly, they do have another away fixture on the last day of the league.

You would think that after the excellent work of the air-service, it will be called upon again for that same effect on the players.

They need to win the match in Ijebu-Ode to be crowned champions and with Sunshine Stars not in the running for the title or a champions league spot but only with that marginal chance of Confederations cup football, you just feel that Kano Pillars will record another win.

Forget about the charade and misleading table consistent on the SuperSports website, Lobi Stars are not at the top of the league.

But what a massive push it has been for the Dominic Iorfa team in the last six matches of the league.

The last time I saw Lobi, they had a pot-bellied David Tyavkase leading a blunt attack but his resurgence and the arrival of Tony Okpotu on the scene, has seen them record impressive results recently.

I even hear Tyavkase is a torn in the flesh of defenders these days, though no one said anything about his belly, I reckon he’s found a way to balance the two.

Interestingly they too finish the league with an away match in Kaduna against Kaduna United.

Should I assume that Kaduna’s hatred for Kano Pillars will make them sweat blood to lose against Lobi at home, or will they in the spirit of Ramadan and with relegation beckoning unflinchingly inflict defeat on Lobi Stars to make things easier for Pillars.

So you see, Enugu Rangers with a home game against Sharks on the last day, look the most secure to have result go their way.

Were they in need of goals difference from the game, then they would have found Sharks a willing accomplice. But with just three points at stake now, they are sure to have it.

But being third placed on the league-ignore that SuperSport website again-they do not have matters in their hands again.

That’s why they would wish that the NPL were a scene from Nollywood.

A broken leg to a vital Pillars player, a ball disappearing and appearing in the net in Kaduna. All these would easily have been concocted by the flurry of film directors in Enugu.

Anyway, we are sure to get an orgasmic finale to the 2012 premier league season.

We were promised a seven month league, I dare say the extra-month has been worth it.

So I hear they all waited in Bayelsa at the Samson Siasia Stadium.
The three wise men from the NPL, the referee and his assistants, match commissioner, players and officials of Rising Stars. Only the fans stayed away, they are now used to the pranks of Ocean Boys.

And while officials of the club flirted with all concerned, giving hope and assurance that they would appear for the match, the three wise men must have thought of themselves as iconic figures in Nigerian football. Good thing is history hardly records the name of such wise men, not the original Three, these three will not be so named too.

Reports say Ocean Boys appeared for the pre-match meeting.

The presence of their officials in the meeting must have been cheerful news to all those who want to avoid the embarrassment they are now making of the Ocean Boys situation.

So they waited, and waited. Like the beautiful bride, Ocean Boys toyed with their emotions.

I love mysteries, and the reported appearance of Ocean Boys in a Nembe Boys bus must have added a farcical dimension to the mystery.

But this is where it becomes interesting. Some say the bus was self-driven as there was not a single soul inside, others say Ocean Boys players came out, but did not get onto the field while others claim that it was in fact Nembe Boys who did step-out, eager to begin the Premier League campaign.

But whatever it was, even Clem Ohaneze should be able to make a good movie of it.

It’s what block-buster movies are made of.

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